I am feeling a little bit better, but I wish I can be back in university right now. I can always get back together with my family but I feel as I I want to be with my friends to create more memories. I enjoyed the time we spent together my first year, but now since we have a bond together, I want to see what other things we can do together. I am not sure what we can do, but as long as it is with them, I am okay. But I should not rush this break, I should be using this time to go back to my roots and create habit forming routine that will benefit me for the up coming year at university. Take it easy me and in no time, this summer will be over soon.
People tell me things would get better and I would see its full effects soon, but it has been over six months and I still think of that person a lot. It gets easier each day, but sometimes there would be something that would shock me into remembering the times this person and I had together even though it was a short period of time. I do not feel as crazy as I was for this person before, but I still yearn for these times together. I was happy and I felt that my problems were nothing big. But after we had part ways, everything came back full force like someone punching me in the gut. I was alone and I could not tell anyone because I do not want to be a burden to anyone. I could not hold it in and I told a friend who was not around when things happened between this person and I feel better about myself. I felt more at ease with myself and I told other people who I trusted would keep it a secret. I kind of told many people about it, but I do not regret it because each of them I can trust. It is now summer vacation and I am using this time to mourn and recoup myself. At least before break ended, I am feeling like myself, but now I am happy that the year ended. My place where I spent time with him has so much memories of him and it was hard for me to move on in a place where things remind me of him.
As from this point, I am content with myself. This person and I are still friends and the tension between us decreased. We are close friends with each other and I feel like things are gonna get better. We do not really talk about our time together, but I do not mind this. We do not have to relive this and we can move on to being good friends. It was sad at first separating then, but now good things have happened for the both of us. We have extended our friendship circle and I do not have to rely on him, I have met new people and found others who share what I like and so does him. We both maintain our quirks, but it makes us who we are. I am able not to put this person on a pedestal. I will protect him and my friends, but if he were to do something wrong, I will call him out on what he did. I just want to focus on God, school, and my friends because without these three, I would not be able to enjoy my college life. I am happy with myself and I would not change anything for the world. If I could go back and change anything, would I? As much sadness and hardship I faced during that time, I would do it over again. It was a period of firsts, and I am able to find out the person I am. I feel better now, and I hope to do better in my future and I wish success with all the paths that I am trying to heal. All I ask is that everyone reading will be by my side helping me do better and I will pray for you guys out there as well. I wish the best in everyone and God bless you.
Living life as an anime character would be so much easier than the real world.
"You know what really sucks about falling for a guy that you are not right for? You fall anyway because you think he might turn out to be different."
Sometimes, we feel that we have found the right person. We can see ourselves in the future as husband and wife when we get together. We think that we are done with finding love and we can just grow up together and experience things together. We want to talk, laugh, smile, kiss, cuddle, and sleep with each other because it feels like a dream finally reaching them. What we see from the outside is like a dream because you thought that you would never find that in a person. They have their flaws, but that is how we feel for them because their flaws made them extraordinary. You are happy because you are able to take them home and show them to your family and know that they will like them and things will get easier in the future. But one day, something changes. What you thought was nothing, turned out to be on of the biggest problems. It is unavoidable. No one can find a balanced point. It is the major difference between the both of you and you can help it. This picture starts to shatter before your eyes and it is over. All what you imagined will not happen and you cannot do anything about it. It is heartbreaking for both sides and it sucks. It is like a wound no bandage or surgery can ever fix. It has to go like that. You want to grieve about it, but based on time constraints, you cannot. You find a way to help yourself release the sadness inside, but sometimes it stays and never goes away. You know you have done it for the right reason and it is better sooner than later. You still care for him, you try to see him as someone to watch out for and care for their well-being even though he may not do the same for you. You still care for him, wishing that this issue never existed, but it did. We need to get on with our lives and hope that you would find someone who shares everything with you. We are afraid to do so because of the pain that happened with the last one. We deserve to so so, but why do we feel so stuck. Maybe we do not need someone to complete us. There are other things we can do to feel full like find a new activity, reading books, going back to church, and more because if we were still with that other, we would not get to do what we wanted to do. Sooner and later, we may find someone that we really enjoy, but be a little cautious at first because we are not sure if they can be the one that we spend the rest of our lives with. But in the end, we will never know until we turn that page.